did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
