..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
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This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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