btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
