having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
