Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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