is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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