i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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