i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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