if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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