I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
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I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
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I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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