I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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