I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
