U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize