Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
