Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
