Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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