I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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