hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
