Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The beer is more important than you right now.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
