Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
