I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
