Are we in a gay sports bar?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
