In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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