I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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