New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
