look no pants
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
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