great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I forget how to act sober
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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