you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
