Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
