Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
