I want to have your abortion
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
