So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
