I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Randomize
