Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
