just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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