i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
