dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
