We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
