I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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