So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
