I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
