I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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