I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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