Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
