I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
