If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
