drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
