I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you told grandpa to call you daddy
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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