It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
