She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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