What did we do last night that was yellow?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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