either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
