Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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