You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
