He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
