Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
