Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
