he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
