A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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