Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
