Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
