JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
