How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
