Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
