I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize