Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
