I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
