You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
