So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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