Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
