dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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