Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
