So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
