lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
