my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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