It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
