so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We need to get me chipped asap
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
