so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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