She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
