i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
